Leadership Secrets of Attila The Hun
by BloodyDice
Summary: This story neither diverges secrets of any kind,nor does it have anything to do with Attila the Hun. Just the whirlwind romance between a robot and a Necromancer. That is all.
1. PrologueThe Setting is Set

Prologue- The Setting is Set

Once upon a time, a young pre-pubescent boy named Rusty Venture was huddled beneath his bed covers, shaking with every crash of thunder and flash of lighting from outside.. Any who may consider themselves a late bloomer, so to speak, may feel some sympathy for the young pre-pubescent adventurer, who was the only one his age still frightened by things like thunder storms.

His father, the legendary Dr. Jonas Venture, decided to put his scientifically genius mind to work, and put a stop to these fears (more out of embarrassment at having a pre-pubescent son still frightened by things like thunder storms than out of any aforementioned sympathy). And that is how the young Rusty venture found himself in the cold, metallic arms of a robot as equally frightened by thunder storms as himself.

While Rusty Venture, with Helpers help, eventually overcame at least this fear, Helper found he was unable to escape his hard-wired programming, even years later.

And that is how the hero of our story, nearly thirty years later, found his cold metallic self shivering alone and frightened beneath the bed covers as a thunder storm raged outside. Our story begins.


	2. Chapter OneIntrigue has been Establish

Chapter One- Intrigue has been Established

It chilled the poor robot to the circuit board, resonating deep within his shiny metal chest plate. Thunder and lighting were a combination that always scared the poor robot, no one was able to consol him/it/her. The boys, well, there was another gas leak. Helper had realized this on the morning after.

Brock was out again, visiting who knows who, in who knows where. Probably inserting his genitalia into another humans genitalia. Thats all he seemed to really like doing.

Thinking back to the golden years, where him/it/her would cuddle with a young Rusty Venture, with cold metallic arms wrapped around the young boys frightened shoulders; Helper slowly wheeled into where the now Dr. Venture slumbered. But this time Helper was not met with an invite to the bed, but he/it/she was greeted with a kick as Rusty snuggled deeper into the strong arms of Prince Valium; trying and successfully blocking out the beepings of a washed out pile of junk.

With no where else to go and with the lightning getting more and more frightening in his cold metallic imagination taking flight, Helper quickly rolled, tripped, and tenaciously continued rolling across the hanger, across the yard, past the security and into the warm bed and arms of one slightly drunk arms of Dr. Orpheus.


	3. Chapter Two The plot thickens

Chapter Two- The plot thickens

Dr. Orpheus was having one hell of an evening; literally and figuratively. His daughter, who he suspects of not doing what she says she is doing namely sleeping over at a **friends house**, left without leaving the phone number of Joannas house. It was also the anniversary of the day his wife filed for divorce.

This left our Dr. home alone, drinking the ambrosia of the ancient AZTEC GODS; this of course meant that he was sitting on his couch, fully clothed hell have you know, drinking a bottle of Tequila. He would have made a margarita but he had to use the last of his salt warding off DERANGED WITCHES who wanted sweet delectable MAN NECTAARR.

Helper, being the polite robot he/it/she was also programmed to ring the doorbell. The fear of thunder and the polite circuits in his/it/her cold metallic frame were at war. Finally the courteously programming won and the claw pressed the button next to the door of the Orpheus household.

Dr. Orpheus REMOVED HIMSELF from the couch, and answered the door. When he witnessed the sight of a scared and confused robot, Orpheus heart melted to see a member of the Venture family in such a vulnerable state.

Frantic beeping and booping proceeded to come out of the cold metallic mouthpiece of Helper, but somehow the Dr Orpheus understood the need was universal and dimensional.

COME IINNN! he politely bellowed, I WIL WARRRRM YOU UP with CHAI TEEEAAA imported from INDIAAA!


	4. Chapter Three The plot thins

Chapter Three- The Plot, much like Dr. Orpheuss blood at this point, begins to thin

Maybe it was all his recent years spent sad and alone, maybe it was the mood set by the lovely orchestra of Thor outside, or maybe the tequila was finally getting to him; whatever the cosmic case may be, the light from the fire place glinting off helpers cold, metallic and Chai-tea-stained face-piece was the single most erotic thing Dr. Orpheus had scene in sad and lonely decades.

The sound of his shattering porcelain-tea-cups in helpers mouth-piece was driving his senses crazy.

As he stared into helpers cold, metallic eyes, he couldnt help the shiver of desire from sensually working its way down his spine.

Nor could he help the fact that all of his rapidly thinning blood was steadily going in the direction of his rather neglected CYCLOPS-PAL.

As for helper, who was unaware of his companions current drunken train of thought, was just happy to finally have found someone who wasnt drugged, dead, or engaging in intercourse.

Finishing off the last of his tequila bottle with a hearty gulp, Dr. Orpheus cordially invited helper to follow him into to bedroom, while simultaneously pulling an as-yet-unseen second bottle of Tequila from his cloak.

Helper innocently rolled, tripped, and continued rolling after the slightly swaying Dr.


	5. Chapter Four The plot thickens

Chapter Four- The plot thickens, along with the not so neglected anymore Cyclops pal of Dr. Orpheus, and a Climax is Included Too.

One thing led to another, and before you could say, By the mighty obsidian muzzle of Anubis! Dr. Orpheus had divulged himself of all his clothes and was stark naked, trying his best to perch seductively upon his bedspread from the newest Martha Stewart catalogue. He hoped to several Gods of love that robots could pick up pheromones.

Lucky for Dr. Orpheus, years before this event, Helper was programmed to be of several uses for Young Rusty Venture: Sharing his fears, playing Catch, and even helping him cope with the metamorphosis that his young body was going through. Thus, Helper was well versed in the ways of handjobs. Well, as well versed as one with cold metallic claws for hands could possibly be (its no wonder as to why Dr. Venture didnt lose his virginity until he was 25).

In any case, Helper clearly comprehended and understood the glazed look in Dr. Orpheus eyes, and needed no further invitation. Rolling over to the bed, he promptly tripped and landed on top of Dr. Orpheus and his not quite anymore thickened Cyclops pal. But that does not deter our mighty Hero! Our Tenacious Hero!!!!!1

His voice growing more panicked as Helpers HandClamp closed around the tender Cyclops Pal, he tried in vain to mention how he suddenly had a headache and his back hurt. But Helper was programmed with the determined nature of his master the Great Jonas Venture, who by _todays_ standards _might_ have been labeled as a rapist.

Not quite so buzzed anymore, the Dr. gave up and surrendered himself to the sexy and slightly overzealous machine. Surprisingly the cold metallic handclamp was quite the improvement over his ex wife. Not only was it cold and metallic, it was quite gentle and nurturing, attentive to the Necromancers needs. It booped and beeped soothingly, letting Dr. Orpheus return to the drunken stupor that he once was in. He relaxed and let the good vibes roll over him.

All too soon, as is usually the case as in these situations, it was over THOUGH GLORIOUSLY, sadly all too soon. He fell asleep to the roaring thunder and soothing beep boops of his cold and metallic incubus. In eachothers arms and one covered with DELECTABLE MAN NECTAR, they drifted off to a sleep and/or suspended animated state.


	6. Chapter Five A Resolution of Some Type

Chapter Five- A Resolution of Some Type or other is Established

Doctor Orpheus, despite one cock of a hangover, was in a delightfully good mood. He woke up with a grin from ear to ear, and humming something that resembled Zippidy-Doo-Da.

Peeking over the bed-covers, he peered over to the other side of the bed, and met the cold, metallic stare of an unblinking robot.

There was an awkward silence.

So, he began after another awkward silence passed, could you perhaps GO for SOME COFFEE?

Helper, his handclamps rather rusted from sauting overnight in man nectar (though he was programmed for many actions, cleaning up after himself was apparently not one of them) paused a moment to compute the request, before booping in cold, metallic acquiescence.

It was the start of a GLORIOUS relationship.


End file.
